


Monty renamed chat “Bank Heist”

by deafpool (castielsass)



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, groupchat fic, young adults just Trying Their Best
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-11 11:54:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12934728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castielsass/pseuds/deafpool
Summary: Bi-llamy invited JASSper, Flexa, Monty, snarke-griffin, a-nest-of-spiders, lincum, bae-ven, blOckedtavia to group chatMonty renamed chat “Bank Heist.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [that one shitty gc au that no one asked for](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9859901) by [trash king murphamy (blackmaggiecat)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackmaggiecat/pseuds/trash%20king%20murphamy). 



> so i read trash king murphamy's gc fic and i was like "brilliant" but because i'm elderly, i was like ok so what if there was a gc fic but the kru was in their early twenties, and post-college, so they're just confused about life and on the first steps on the ladders of their various careers or in grad school and figuring shit out
> 
> i know what ur thinking; wait a minute, tyler, aren't u a 23 year old graduate on the first step of ur corporate career and to that i say, shut up.
> 
> im #team lincoln was underutilised in canon.
> 
> also #team monty was underutilised in canon and i refuse to believe a man who can smoke out his bff and then engineer the deaths of 300 people and shoot his own mom isn't fascinating

Bi-llamy invited everyone to group chat

Monty renamed chat “Bank Heist”

Monty changed his name to **“Strips at Truckstops”**

Jassper: Monty what the fuck 

Strips at Truckstops: well we all know my mother still checks my phone

Strips at Truckstops: so I’ve decided to throw her off the scent 

Bi-llamy: the scent of what

Flexa: probably the scent of queerness we give off

snarke-griffin: and air of general hopelessness and unemployment 

blOckedtavia: tbf it’s just jasper who gives off an air of unemployment

Jassper: capitlm is a sin against nature

Lincum: are you trying to say capitalism 

Jassper: yeah but it’s hard to type I’m lying down 

Flexa: it’s 2:30

Strips at Truckstops: anyway yes to disguise the general Ridiculousness of u all, I’ve decided to hide in plain sight as it were

Jassper: so just move out of ur parents house and come love with me duh u basically live here anyway 

Strips at Truckstops changed his name to ”Deals Drugs”

Lincum: “come love with me”

Deals Drugs: there’s a difference between basically living w/u and actually paying rent u know I’m saving up for a place 

 

snarke-griffin: can y’all take a break from your domestic and come murder me quick 

Flexa: yeah why 

blOckedtavia: wow lexa right in there with the murder

Snarke: Work is Hell

bae-ven: calm down marx

Jassper: join me in unemployment purgatory 

snarke-griffin: no I’m good I just am so sick of children 

Snarke: and shut up I know I’m not supposed to say that as a school nurse but bite me 

Monty: anyway we’re not “”domestic”” shut up

Jassper: Monty we’re out of rolling papers and shampoo can u stop by the wall of marts on ur way home

Jassper: bad time for that huh

Monty changed his name to “Kicks Dogs”

Bi-llamy: MONTY NO

bae-ven: WTF

A-nest-of-spiders: LMAO

Kicks Dogs: I have to work which means my phone is available to my mother so can y’all do me a favour and just be normal for when she inevitably reads my messages 

Lincum: of course we will. 

Monty: thank u v much 

Bi-llamy: were gonna be so normal. 

Snarke: and heterosexual 

Monty changed his name to **An Unsuspecting Heterosexual**

Jassper changed his name to **jasper**

Bi-llamy changed his name to **Regular Fella-my**

Snarke changed her name to **clurk**

Lincum changed his name to **lincorn**

blOckedtavia changed her name to **octlabia**

bae-ven changed her name to **Edgar Allen Hoe**

An Unsuspecting Heterosexual: no

Edgar Allen Hoe: smh fine

Edgar-allen-hoe changed her name to **bae-ven**

a-nest-of-spiders changed his name to **a-Friendly-nest-of-spiders**

An Unsuspecting Heterosexual: thanks Murphy 

An Unsuspecting Heterosexual changed his named to **Monty**

a-Friendly-nest-of-spiders: :*

jasper: get away from my man he’s too good and kind for u 

Monty: we’re not dating 

jasper: the point is still valid 

jasper changed his name to **jassper**

octlabia changed her name to **Monty’s Secret Lover**

Monty: wait no 

Flexa changed her name to **Monty’s Drug Dealer**

jassper changed his name to **Monty’s Dick Dealer**

Monty: I hate u all ??? 

a-friendly-nest-of-spiders changed his name to an-unfriendly-nest-of-spiders 

Monty: nOOooooOOoo 

clurk changed her name to **Monty’s Third Murder Victim**

Regular Fella-my changed his name to **Tellamy**

bae-ven: wait what 

snarke-griffin: ? 

Tellamy: like telling. Like I’m telling on Monty. 

 

Jassper: get out of here u fucking square 

 

an-unfriendly-nest-of-spiders: bellamy what the fuck

 

blOckedtavia: boo-lamy 

 

Monty: u know what I’ve decided not to care anymore. This all fits in with my hiding in plain sight plan

 

 

Lincum: [monty rn ](https://flic.kr/p/22bUyM9)

 

Monty: [lincoln rn](https://flic.kr/p/CA3adR)

 

 

Lincum: AHUGH 

Jassper: ASGKFAJFSGJ

 

blOckedtavia: YOU BITCH

 

Flexa: ATTACKED

 

Tellamy: oMG

 

Tellamy changed his name to **bi-llamy**

 

Lincum: Monty my feelings

 

Monty: I’m sorry lincoln do u want a hug

 

Lincum: yes

 

Monty: I mean I’m at work but ok

 

Monty: my spirit is holding u

 

Lincum: I feel it

 

a-nest-of-spiders: can u send ur spirit to me next 

 

jassper: don’t do it Murphy

 

Monty: why, do u want a hug 

 

a-nest-of-spiders: a very specific kind

 

Jassper: stop it 

 

Bi-llamy: Astral projection is for friends only 

 

Murphy: specifically I want u 2 hug my dick

 

Jassper: oh u did it anyway

 

Monty: I’m going to pretend that was an autocorrect and U meant duck. I don’t cuddle fowl

 

Flexa changed the group chat name to “I don’t cuddle fowl”

Bi-llamy and Lincum DM: 

Lincum: hey bellamy what’s going on with ur and raven and murphy

Bi-llamy: ?? Nothing?> 

Lincum: really? 

Bi-llamy: what do u think is going on 

Lincum: o and me think that it’s a small cult. Monty and jasper are leaning toward poly bi threesome. 

Bi-llamy: what about clarke and lexa

Lincum: they think it’s a study group

Bi-llamy: so rather than leaning toward the obvious “they are the only three in grad school so they probably study together since everyone else is graduated and working or 

jasper” you leapt to cult, or threesome?

Lincum: that’s not a no 

Bi-llamy: No it’s not 

Lincum: :O

 

 

Lincum shared a screenshot with **all** : PROOF

Jassper: :O 

snarke-griffin: I knew it!

blOckedtavia: wtf ur guess was study group

snarke-griffin: no I didn’t say study group. I said........ boning.... troop. Boning troop. So I was right. 

blOckedtavia: I’m gonna kick ur ass

Snarke: stfu 

snarke-griffin: HEY WHY IS OCTAVIA AT THE SCHOOL SHES KNOCKING ON NURSE JACKSONS DOOR ADDFHKJFSFNKL

blOckedtavia: i told u I’m here to kick ur ass. And I’m here to teach an introductory taekwondo class, but that’s far less important

snarke-griffin: help

Bi-llamy: hmmmmm who do I side with? My sister or my heterosexual life partner? 

Monty: ur sister has a black belt

Jassper: but ur platonic life-wife has needles

Bi-llamy: I’m not afraid of needles jas that’s u

snarke-griffin: HELP

Jassper: oh right. Then choose octavia, my terrifying heterosexual life partner

Lincum: excuse me 

Jassper: did u miss the heterosexual part

Linc: ....

Jassper: oh right lmao

Jassper: my heterosexual **platonic life partner 

Lincum: thank u

Jassper: we all know who my true love is 

Bi-llamy: Monty?

Jassper: funyuns 

Monty: what, bell?

Bi-llamy: im..... ffs.... nvm

a-nest-of-spiders: hard to believe beellamy’s the oldest of us all

Bi-llamy changed his name to **beellamy**

a-nest-of-spiders changed his name to **a-simple-bag-of-bees**

 

snarke-griffin: smh she just cae in and kicked me and left i fucking hate all u guys

 

flexa renamed groupchat to She Just Came In and Kicked Me and Left

 

monty: what lesbian richard siken poem is that from


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mmmmm DRAMA?

a-simple-bag-of-bees: @yall why does my house smell so thickly of donuts and weed who was in here

Octlabia: ?? No??

lincum: not me

Bae-ven: nup 

snarke-griffin: I have better things to do than snoop in ur room john murphy. 

Flexa: i dont, but it wasn’t me this time

Bi-llamy: ... this time?

snarke-griffin: ASDFGGJKK DIDNT LEXA TELL U ABOUT HER ACCODENTAL DISCOVERY OF MUrPHY’S FUCKED UP KINKS

a-simple-bag-of-bees: this is not answering who was in my house and it’s not accidental when you WENT THROUGH MY DRAWERS

Bi-llamy: 1. Who do U think would break into ur shitty house and leave behind an incriminating scent of Drugs and junk food 2. god I forgot about ur freaky porn  
a-simple-bag-of-bees: firstly; Rude, and secondly, monty would never hurt me like that he’s too Pure. it must have been jasper. 

Bi-llamy: god bless monty

snarke-griffin: monty bless god 

Flexa: monty bless

jASSper: monty bless

Octlabia: monty bless

punches-old-people: guys I’m driving home from work ttyl :* 

a-simple-bag-of-bees: MINE

jASSper: ILL FUCKING MURDER YOU IN REAL LIFE 

Bi-llamy: 

[anyway](https://78.media.tumblr.com/e35ace004fd2441a1f91cdd0927d8236/tumblr_inline_nx3939RFcC1qzvn9f_250.gif)

Bae-ven: smdh

Punches-old-people changed his name to **a gay serial killer**

a-simple-bag-of-bees: back to the fucking important part

A-simple-bag-of-bees: firstly; monty ive Never Been More Attracted To You

jASSper: [@murphy](http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/502/323/39b.png)

Octlabia: yeah, I wanna hear more murphy’s fucked up porn habits

lincum: I Do Not

a-simple-bag-of-bees: it was literally just heterosexual you fucking homos ANYWAY 

a-simple-bag-of-bees: monty did jasper break into my Home to get high and eat donuts

A gay serial killers: nooooooooo 

a-simple-bag-of-bees: Montgomery. Montiliam. Montathon.

jASSper: I would like a montathon

A gay serial killer: what 

a-simple-bag-of-bees: what is ur full name

jASSper: its just monty u fuckin tampon

a gay serial killers changed his name to **its just monty u fuckin tampon**

a-simple-bag-of-bees: jasper did u break into my house

its just monty u fuckin tampon: nooOooooOooooOoo

jASSper: noooo?

a-simple-bag-of-bees: monty. 

its just monty u fuckin tampon: it isn’t breaking in when you gave me a key?

a-simple-bag-of-bees: for EMERGENCIES

its just monty u fuckin tampon: you said DICK EMERGENCIES SO I CHOSE TO USE MY OWN INITIATIVE

jASSper: I was having a bad Mental Health day and monty thought screwing with ur stuff would make me feel better

a-simple-bag-of-bees: did it

jASSper: honestly yes

a-simple-bag-of-bees: idc I can’t believe you would this to Me,,, an Innocent 

jASSper: it was monty’s idea?????

its just monty u fuckin tampon: jas wtf

a-simple-bag-of-bees: montys too pretty 2 blame

Flexa renamed chat to **Monty's Too Pretty To Blame**

snarke-griffin: @raven, lincoln, bell and oh; remember when lexa found murphys darkest secret 

Bae-ven: you mean the fucked up porn?

a-simple-bag-of-bees: sshut upppppppppppp, stop calling it fucked up it was literally just hetero

Flexa: what kind of deviant .....,,,

Bi-llamy: what kind of fucked up person leaves the kinda stuff where children could get to it

a-simple-bag-of-bees: what children??????

Bi-llamy: jasper and monty!!!

its just monty u fuckin tampon: it scarred me murphy :(

jASSper: murphy why do you even have str8 porn

a-simple-bag-of-bees: because I’m straight 

snarke-griffin: oh my god 

Bi-llamy: John is it something we did...,, as parents...,,,

snarke-griffin: did I not hold u enough as a baby

jASSper: what the absolute fuck; nobody can be straight and hit on monty as much as u do

a-simple-bag-of-bees: monty doesn’t count he’s not a boy he’s a darkly fascinating angel

jASSper: ...,,,,.anyway we had to go to ur house because my apartment has a smoke detector and u have A free spirited tiny house

a-simple-bag-of-bees: just because I live in a shitty house in a sketchy neighborhood doesn’t mean you can do Illegal Drugs in there

jASSper: I’m sensing ur mad

a-simple-bag-of-bees: SOMEWHAT

jASSper:  
[consider this](https://i.pinimg.com/236x/08/c7/30/08c730ce0c7ebeba29bba8421e7d3d47--christopher-larkin-the--cast.jpg)

a-simple-bag-of-bees: I’m slightly less mad

jASSper: [hmmmm](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/8d/0f/df/8d0fdf52b0d11d0531d69118f4aa8eb5--punches-old-people-python-the-.jpg)

a-simple-bag-of-bees: calming down

jASSper: [HMM](https://i.pinimg.com/564x/e3/89/45/e38945b31efd72c9317bb7a01c0450e3.jpg)

a-simple-bag-of-bees: I’m appeased 

snarke-griffin: my crops are flourishing??

Bi-llamy: my skin is clear

Bae-ven: @god, how

Flexa: a boy made of actual sunshine

its just monty u fuckin tampon: I’m finally home and I check my phone and I come back to find myself being used as some kind of low rate anger management 

its just monty u fuckin tampon: @jas also let me in why is the door locked

 

its just monty u fuckin tampon: let me in u have no idea how badly I have to pee

Octlabia: [let him in](https://i.imgur.com/dzmGKOK.jpg)

snarke-griffin: OPEN THE DOORS. [WHY ARE YOU CLOSING YOUR DOORS TO THE PUBLIC ](https://i.imgur.com/dzmGKOK.jpg)

Octlabia: SAME MEME

snarke-griffin: same meme

jASSper: asdfgjkkkhgds I’m not home

its just monty u fuckin tampon: ?????????

Bi-llamy: wtf he’s not with me

Octlabia: he’s not w/me and linc either?

Bae-ven: WHERE IS HE

jASSper: I’m allowed to have other friends!!

lincum: u don’t tho?

jASSper: I have friends. Cool, accomplished friends with jobs and niche hobbies. 

Bae-ven: we know so why aren’t u with us

jASSper: smh fine I don’t have other friends I’m at the library 

Bi-llamy: why didn’t u ask me, I could have driven u

snarke-griffin: good job !!

Bae-ven: u can read?

lincum: ASGGHJKFFHJK 

jASSper: well excuse the shit out of me for wanting to Better Myself

its just monty u fuckin tampon: this is touching and I’m very proud and ily but I just had to pee on a tree so 

a-simple-bag-of-bees: i wish I was that tree

jASSper: [@murphy](http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/502/323/39b.png)

Bae-ven: ………....anyway I think I see u

jASSper: ur here too?

Bae-ven: I was at the coffee shop next door but now I do see u!! Standing all confused in the mental health section

jASSper: it’s less expensive that a therapist

Bae-ven: y’all I think the librarian has adopted jasper she is so fond of him. Tbf he looks very cute here just standing holding a book titled PTSD and Me. he is also not wearing matching shoes. I kind of want to adopt him too.

its just monty u fuckin tampon: to be fair the shoes isn’t a mental health thing, his cat threw up in one shoe from each pair this morning

Lincum: what the fuck

Bi-llamy: oh no not my favourite son

a-simple-bag-of-bees: what the fuck

lincum: what the fuck

Bae-ven: what the fuck

Bi-llamy: lincoln ur not my son ur more like their fun uncle 

lincum: no I’m their fun wine mom now 

Flexa: wow clarke just written out of ur kids life like that 

snarke-griffin: what the fuck lincoln 

lincum: sorry clarke I called it

snarke-griffin: fuck. Can I at least be their vodka aunt then

Flexa: nah babe that’s me 

snarke-griffin: [betrayal](https://78.media.tumblr.com/74f5bb5d81bd8effad4a8e998b10ed84/tumblr_inline_oo40b9otAX1s3n6h6_500.gif)

a-simple-bag-of-bees: anyway I have a date so I’m muting the chat. jasper don’t text me I don’t want her to think I know you. 

jASSper: but we’re Friends

a-simple-bag-of-bees: no ur a loser and she thinks I’m cool so just keep it that way

its just monty u fuckin tampon: u have an actual date?

Octlabia: with a girl?

lincum: a human girl?

a-simple-bag-of-bees: YES

a-simple-bag-of-bees: meh on the human part but she is a girl

Bae-ven: is this where we find out ur a furry

a-simple-bag-of-bees: smdh 

jASSper: who is sheeee

Bi-llamy: who is she 

its just monty u fuckin tampon: wtf jas and I had money on u dating bell and raven

a-simple-bag-of-bees: wtf we literally just study together

snarke-griffin: then why did u tell them to keep it a secret??

a-simple-bag-of-bees:.....

Bi-llamy: you can’t reasonably expect me to keep secrets from my lifewife

 

a-simple-bag-of-bees: nobody needs to ever know that I study

jASSper: nobody would 

its just monty u fuckin tampon: ASGHJKLJ

lincum: anyway who’s ur new gf tell us about her

a-simple-bag-of-bees: she’s not my girlfriend it’s literally one date. Her name is Emori 

Flexa: NO

a-simple-bag-of-bees: ????

Flexa: NOT EMERY BOARD, the babe of my existence!!! 

snarke-griffin: babe

Flexa: ***bane

 

Bae-ven: smh u got jasper doing the bane voice now in this library

 

Flexa: murphy I’m sorry but I forbid this she is evil

 

a-simple-bag-of-bees: You Are Not My Mother

 

Flexa: she’s evil 

 

a-simple-bag-of-bees: so r u

 

snarke-griffin: she’s chaotic good so shut the duck up 

 

Octlabia: [hm](https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/2479583850/image_400x400.jpg)

 

a-simple-bag-of-bees: how to you even know her, u lesbian 

 

Flexa: the hint is in the question

 

a-simple-bag-of-bees: NO

 

Flexa: I’m Afraid so

 

a-simple-bag-of-bees: well it’s too fucking late to cancel now she’s here


End file.
